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April 2nd, 2008

Social Security Blues

A few days ago I told my mom that I no longer want to do the social security thing. I have been having money related problems since I had to reduce the amount of money in my account, by a lot. Both of my parents are convinced that I should get social security benefits and my dad thinks that my wanting to quit is rash. They both clam that they want to do this in a way that is fair to me, so that I get my money back.

In the mean time, mom is taking some of my hard earned money to pay for some of my expenses. That is money that I want to put towards an apartment, adult classes for basic skills, lesions for conversational Japanese and eventually a trip to Japan to see the peace park. Apparently there are two peace parks one in Hiroshima and one in Nagasaki. I am eater going to need a lot of money, or find out which one has the statute of Sadako Sasaki, I really want to see it up close.

Every thing that I want to do is going to be very expensive, I mean first I have to put a ruff over my head and take care of those things. While that is going on I will probably be taking adult classes and holding down a job and doing who knows what. I know that mom and dad will help me get back the money I had to give up or at least most of it, however that doesn’t help me to feel any more stable.

Typically I don’t stress over money, but this situation is driving me crazy. On top of that they wont let me quit even though I am of age, but I still have to go to a meeting later this week. I just feel horribly discouraged an completely unsure about everything right now. I don’t know what to do anymore and just want the skills and the means to get my own place with in the next four to five years or so. 

In the mean time I have to figure out how I am going to manage my money so that my dreams, even the expensive ones, have a possibility of reaching reality. After all I am trapped in the loop of social security let downs while knowing that there are far more disserving people then me, competing for the same benefits. 

I am trying to trust God more and for some reason I have been happy since my grandma died. This isn’t drug induced or related to my medication, it seems to be because I know that my grandma is always watching over me. Also it helps to know and understand that even though he seems far away at times, that God is a lot closer then he seems and that he always helps me and others when we call.